BACKS
Bruce Doull
The 'Flying Doormat'. You only have to see the Toyota ad to appreciate he had an interesting hairdo.

Nigel Smart
Just a very good defender, a three-time All-Australian. Midfielders not slowing the ball down, causing it to come down the field very quickly can really stress a player. It’s probably no coincidence that a lot of backmen are bald.

Tyson Edwards
A tremendous defender, and he’s definitely bald.

HALF-BACKS
Nathan Eagleton
Is definitely bald.

Brent Guerra
Despite his sponsorship by Advanced Hair (yeah, yeah), he was once bald.

Milham Hanna
He has a wonderful cafe in Brunswick Street called The Fitz Cafe. I put him in the backline because I’d love a free coffee next time I go there.

CENTRES
Darren Bewick
As an Essendon fan in my childhood, I remember he was always very quick. I remember him as a fast, elusive wingman.

Jason Akermanis
The scary thing is he actually looks better as a redhead than with his two-tone beard and high maintenance bleached hair, which he probably won’t have any of in 10 years' time after it’s peroxided out.

Robert 'Scratcher' Neal
Apparently he was red-haired. I thought they needed to be recognised. We have an Italian Team of the Century and an Indigenous Team of the Century. I just thought there needed to be some recognition for red-headed people.

HALF-FORWARDS
Mark Jackson
'Wacko Jacko' was the first person to do a handstand on the field before Jason Akermanis. I heard a story that someone told him as long as his backside was facing south, he wouldn’t be a good footballer. So when he did something particularly good, he stood on his hands so his backside was facing north.

Warwick Capper
Who could forget his shorts and his blonde hair? Didn’t he run for mayor of the Gold Coast? He did a photo shoot with the meter maids and wore the golden shorts. Didn’t he go on Big Brother as well? He can’t stay out of the limelight so naturally you’d have him at centre half-forward, where all of the action happens.

Robert DiPierdomenico
I remember Wide World of Sports 'The Twelfth Man, when they talked about 'Robert Dip, Dip-p, Dipper...' – how hard it was to say his name. It’s something I’ve never forgotten. They did a fake interview with Dipper where they claimed he actually learned his own name through a song.

FORWARDS
Danny Dickfos
There's a book titled Six Degrees of Separation of Danny Dickfos. I think that’s pretty funny.

Stephen Icke
I don't know much about Stephen Icke, other than his name’s pretty funny, and he played mostly at half-back for North Melbourne and Melbourne during the 1970s and '80s.

Barry Strange
A famous Tasmanian, the name speaks for itself. My masseur told me I had to have him in the forward line. I think he was actually a backman.

FOLLOWERS
Steven O’Dwyer
I don’t know much about him as a ruckman, but apparently he was a big 'ranga'.

Cameron Ling
One of the best midfielders in the competition, and he definitely has red hair.

Adam Cooney
Despite his efforts at colouring his hair different colours and shaving it and applying multiple coats of fake tan, he is still a redhead.

INTERCHANGE
Generally if you’re on the bench, you either start or finish there because you haven’t quite done the right thing...

Justin Charles
In my memory, probably the largest indiscretion because to my knowledge he’s the only bloke to test positive to steroids in the AFL.

Phil Carman
He once head-butted a boundary umpire. And I have a connection because he was the groundsman at my school in Adelaide. He had a dog called Jasper, that’s all I can remember about him. Anyone who drives around in one of those Gator trucks is scary.

Malcolm Brown
Apparently a bit of a hothead. He was renowned for visiting the tribunal.

Peter Filandia
He’s actually a really nice guy and was a runner with our side for a couple of years. But he’ll probably be best remembered for, how shall we say it, an 'unusual' report when playing in the VFL.

The views in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.